liveblogging my shit

Oct 28

So I found the thing Ember was talking about (Abra!). Ember also conveniently did not mention that Abra is a TOTAL FUCKER as I have now learned after seeing him teleport away mid-battle three times. W/e it’s all good because I need to grind the hell out of Lewis because I’d rather not have my ass served to me on a platter by Mister. 

So, updates! 

I made it most of the way through the cave of screaming assholes when my battery died and I had to restart (though at least this time I made sure to buy a few repels for when I got sick and tired of zubats trying to crawl down my throat). I caught a bunch of pokemon I will never use and put them in a crate to wait out of the rest of their days, though I did catch a geodude who went into rotation. 

I did not buy a magicarp from what I thought was a scamy dude because all I know about him is that he is fucking useless, but apparently it turns out I should have because the evolution is good and would have wrecked everybody’s shit. Too late now though because I’m at Cerulean City! I found a star thing in the cave that the game explicitly told me to sell for mad cash so I sold it and now I have lots of money. Also there is a bike place and while I haven’t bought one yet, I assume it’s a good idea to get a bike. 

I fought a whole bunch of assholes on a bridge in what I suspected was a set up and then Team Rocket showed up to annoy me. What a bunch of dickbags. Though I will give this to them: stealing shit and selling it to make money is at least a really solid villain plan, and looks downright genius considering the other villain’s motives are often pants-on-head stupid. Ember told me to keep my eyes peeled for some yellow cat-like pokemon showing up in the next area so I’m doing so. Mostly it’s a bunch of fucking asshole not-starter-sparrows. 

My team so far iiiis

Miyu - Charmeleon, level 25, calm nature
Itchy - Nidoran, level 12, docile nature
Madoka - Pidgey, level 8, relaxed nature
Lewis - Pikachu, level 10, brace nature
Dread - Beedrill, level 12, modest nature
Quarters - Geodude, level 11, hardy nature

Oct 25

Pokemans update - caught a metapod because they just kept showing up. I also went up against Brock and narrowly beat him. But I won and got my badge so that’s all that matters. I need to work a little more with the other guys to make them lean, mean fighting machines like Miyu.

Well, for some reason, work decided it didn’t want me to hand in my old phone when I upgraded to my new one, and since the damn thing works perfectly well (except for syncing email), I connected to the wireless and went looking under android apps to see what there was to play on it, and low and behold, someone was offering Pokemon: FireRed. 

I won’t be doing screencaps because you guys already know what Pokemon looks like and there’s not exactly any funny dialogue to mine but I’ll do some quick posts here of my progress. 

I chose Charmander as my starter and named him Miyu because I didn’t realize there were actual genders (whoops!) and quickly discovered that the ember ability wrecks everybody’s shit (or all the bug type’s shit) as soon as you get it. So far I’ve caught a rat (Moe), one of the birds (Madoka), a Weedle (Dread) and a Pikachu (Lewis). I also killed a whole shitton of bugs in the long grass. 

Next up, I find the gym leader and maybe get a badge thing, I think? 

Sep 02

Hi Mia! Man, it’s always great to see you. 

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH

Doesn’t this universe have child labour laws?

Suddenly, it becomes a Hellraiser crossover. 

Sweetie no. Do not be jealous of Maya. She is in jail, for the second time. 

This is what happens when you hang out with teenage girls Phoenix. This is what happens.